I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
