did you get engaged???
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
