Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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