My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This show inspires me to have sex in space
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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