An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
