You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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