Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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