I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
