K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
