well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
