just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
