whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
