I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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