I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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