hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
