Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
