As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
