Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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