He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
