I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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