You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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