In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
