And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
