Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
