I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
