Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
