Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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