No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
