You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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