Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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