Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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