my sisters under your porch take her home
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
