I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
