Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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