Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
