Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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