Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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