so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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