So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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