If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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