glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
