remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
