He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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