Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I touched a dick in church today
You ate ashes out of my bong
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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