her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
