Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
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I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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