I'm eating all of the evidence.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
