no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
