Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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