I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
