I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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