So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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