Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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