goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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