Jerry, you need to find god
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
