she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
