then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
