My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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