Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
