so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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