spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
