she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
