after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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