I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
