Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
