okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
