thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
