Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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