He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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