dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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