You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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